While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
