she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
well you can't waste a boner
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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