i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
