i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
