she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
