So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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