you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
