No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
