Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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