My pussy is not your playground.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
