You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
