two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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