I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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