I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
