he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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