Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
