According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize