this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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