You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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