And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
