just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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