His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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