so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
