I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
