Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
