I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
