two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
