Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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