I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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