I wish I could punch you in the face.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
