I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize