Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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