i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
