is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
