yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize