All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
