my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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