they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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