I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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