Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
