You work out of a Hotel?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So here I am, sexting at work.
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