I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
