You can't special order awesome
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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