are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
