im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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