I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
