words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
