i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize