I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
