I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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