if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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