I can't watch pbs sober anymore
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
