i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
