I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
