I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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