Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
