i think my tv is drunk
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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