I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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