my mouth tastes like poor choices
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
