How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
