I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Drunk is not a location!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
