i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
