No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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