Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think I sprained my soul last night
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize