evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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