I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
