they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
