Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
