Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
