Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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