I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
As shirtless as possible
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
