so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
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