it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
