i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
